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Washed Ashore

Page history last edited by Third Time Lucky 15 years, 4 months ago

Dear Mum,

 

I'm sorry for not writing sooner, you wouldn't believe the events that have befallen me!  The holiday of a lifetime that I thought I was embarking upon was a farce!  Can you believe I was tricked!  Apparently the free room and board meant space on a bench and chained to an oar!  As if that weren't enough, the boat was tossed apart by a storm throwing us overboard.  I've awoken on the shore of a remote island in a purple spandex bikini with an oar strapped to my back.  Not sure where the bikini came from, or this tattoo on my chest, the last thing I remember was having a few pre-cruise margarita's, and then everything is blank... This was definitely not in the brochure!  I am writing this letter and sending it via Message In A Bottle Express Delivery.  I will write as often as I can so that you know I am safe and well.

 

An old man named Kalanthes approached me as I was waking on the shore, and he instructed me to find the man who run the ship, and from there make my way to Tortage city to seek a woman named Nadini.  He believes Nadini is a seer, and can help me retrieve my lost memory.  I didn't know whether I should trust him, but my alternatives were few, and in this skimpy little bikini I would have burnt to a crisp in no time out here, so I did as he suggested and set forth into the jungle in the hopes of finding a palm frond or something to cover myself with.

 

I had walked but a few paces when I found a scantily clad strumpet named Casilda chained spread legged across the path, barring my way.  Remember how you used to get the wooden spoon on us kids?  I did consider using the same approach with my oar, but I felt sorry for the poor girl and decided to see if I could help.

 

 

 

Apparently she had been set upon by a pack of men not long before I found her... one really must question her choice of outfit on an island full of men, but it does at least give me some comfort to know that I am not trapped alone with that old man.  After learning that the leader of these dogs owns the key to her shackles I made my way back down to the shore and headed south in search of the scavenger.

 

 

 

He was a suspicious looking fellow, the sort to want to handcuff a young lass for hours on end, and it didn't take much convincing with the oar to be able to search his pockets.  Back to Casilda... sigh... not content with being set free she wanted me to escort her to the city of Tortage.  Perhaps she will be of some use... you did teach us kids that when being chased by a mountain lion one does not need to run faster than the lion, merely faster than the person beside you.

 

The jungle was thick and heavy, and soon human poachers made way for bands of picts, who did seem to have a better sense of fashion than the pirates did, allowing me to find something a little more appropriate than my togs to adventure in.  Although I am not sure which is worse, gold teeth or pictish nose bones, gross!

 

Speaking of gross... 

 

 

 

I was simply trying to convince this nice young man to let me past and he exploded blood all over me!  Must have been a genetic blood disorder or something equally exotic, I will have to find a medicine woman in Tortage and speak to her about this.  Now I really do need a change of clothes!

 

 

 

Covered in the entrails from my previous encounter I caught sight of the cruise director.  Mum, I can tell you, I had a few choice words for him, words such as those I only heard you speak when Dad came home from a night of boozing!  Thank goodness he admitted he didn't have the key on him before he died, otherwise I would have to had to search his loin cloth. 

 

 

 

Taking the directions of the Fat Man, I ventured through another camp of picts where I found a demon guarding a stone repository.  I knew I could bet my garish pirate top that the key was in there!  After a quick demonstration of his dance skills I was able to recover the key and escort Casilda to the gates.  Beyond the gates are roaming apes, no different I suppose to the primitive pirates and picts I found on my way here, but not far in the distance lay the gates to the city of Tortage!  After a quick snack of banana's Casilda and I arrived, a little messy and in need of a shower, but in one piece.  

 

 

She at least seems very grateful and instead of coin has offered to pay me for my trouble in some other manner... Mum I am not sure what she meant by this but hopefully she knows how to get these stains out.  I miss you and hope you are well. Will write again soon.

 

Love, Crunchie

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